I was saddened to hear that David Prowsedied over the weekend. As Darth Vader, he portrayed the greatest villain in cinema history, as the Green Cross Code Man, he taught me as a child how to cross the road safely. Here is a man who in my eyes helped me survive child hood both physically and culturally.
Another loss this year, a theme that has saturated 2020 throughout with the loss of many celebrities that have peppered my life including Sean Connery, John Sessions, Wilford Brimley, Ian Holm to name but a few, not to mention the enormous death toll brought about by the pandemic.
The news continues to feed us rising deaths as a result of COVID 19, and the impact on peoples lives is far reaching. Clients that have come for counselling, damaged by their experience of loss, and the pain feels so deep and so raw at the beginning, that it is impossible to imagine how they may ever recover.
Yet over time, through process, and tears, and the realisation that the world carries on, I see clients move and make such incredible progress. I feel it begins to change once they find themselves realising other things in life, caring about other things in life.
This is the tipping point for people in grief, and I was reminded of this when I was listening to a radio dramatisation of Shardalake by CJ Samson onRadio 4when the protagonist, talking about death stated “The hole in the world will always be there, you just begin to notice other things.” That sentence encapsulated the point where the grief changes from being all consuming and becomes more integrated into a persons life, a part of their experience that hurts, but is now a part of them and not and experience that keeps them apart from the world.
Grief is an important part of our experience, and the loss that we feel connects us to what is gone. This loss can be the death of a family member, a pet or a celebrity with whom we have a great affinity. It can be when a friend moves away, or the end of a job. Loss is powerful and for some it can be overwhelming.
We have all lost in 2020. Through bereavement, missed celebrations, not being able to pay our respects, see our friends, Change how we work, how we educate, how we live. Grief and loss is change, a change from what once was and what is now different. It’s personal and cannot be compared to another’s loss.
As I write this, I think about tomorrow, the 1st December. The final month of the year before it too, goes and changes into a new year. I will be glad for this year to end, with it’s months of challenge and change. The 1st day of a new year is a marker, an opportunity to think and reflect about what we can embrace, what we can do differently, we can begin to think about the year that has past and also about what we will start to notice.